Below is a snippet of an interview I did regarding the fact that I have killed more zombies than you have (statistically speaking)...
..."So Ray Stantz - "Staypuft" is it? How did you get into a position to be the 32nd ranked destroyer of the undead; specicially Zombies; in the world?"
To be honest? Its my calling. I always knew that I was "The Chosen One." - I know that sounds silly but - to me its a simple fact. I was born to decimate wave upon wave of the shambling dead. I lived 35 years in a world where the only thing I could really decimate was a perfectly manicured steak that I had just brought in off of the grill. However that was before the Secret War and my awakening into this life...
..."The Chosen one? Ok I know that the world is dealing with real problems of evil manifested and other occult challenges, but do you really expect me to believe that you are "The Chosen One" of Zombie killing?
Sent by god to be perfectly frank. I ALWAYS knew it! I was fascinated with Zombies before - in my normal life. I had read all the graphic novels, World War Z, watched all the shows and the movies. I spent endless hours in debate with my friends and colleagues over how to deal with such challenges as Running zombies vs. Shambling zombies - let me just say - I secretly wish we had gotten more shambling and less returned townies in Kingsmouth Town! -- I digress. My friends and I would discuss real-world problems; an example: The Gun Shop Despot. In our opinion the last living person in the gun-shop would essentially try to establish his own despotic government ruling with the iron fist of endless ammo. How do you deal with that problem? You have to think it through!
..."Mr. Stantz: Lots of people enjoy Zombie movies and books how are you "The Chosen One"?"
Its my will; I see a Zombie. I kill a Zombie. Easy peasy lemon squeezy - other people have a challenge with the walking dead. Some have a slight fear; dealing with it through brute force. I can tell you that you do not get to be one of the top slayers of Zombies in the world with that technique! You have to be Chosen. You have to be me. I simply kill all the Zombies. They melt before me like so much butter on a finely baked potato. I think less about tying my shoes than killing Zombies. To quote NEO (of Chosen One Fame) "There is no Spoon?". Its like that. There is no Zombie.
..."OK - so if you are The Chosen One; why are you 32nd in the world!?"
I knew that was going to come up; listen some people are out there trying to find things. I understand that; they kill zombies as a means to an end. I am here to tell you that one day when the dust is settled The Chronicle will show that I am the leader of the Zombie Slayers. Just wait and see!
~Staypuft
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