ooc: Here follows the ongoing journal of Sarsippius; abject gibbering imbecile and coward extraordinaire. This first post is catch up, so it's a bit long. Done in the style of a twitter type feed. Just for fun. There are a couple of Very minor spoilers regarding Kingsmouth Town.
---
Choked fatally on a bee this morning. Interview at 10, and now my breath smells like insect. Great.
Interview didn't go well. Exploded in firey doom half way through and incinerated most of the building. Perhaps managerial is more my style.
Letter through the post inviting me to join the Templars. May try it out, since my wednesday evenings are pretty empty at the minute.
Templar Hall is very dull. Seems to be a cult of some sort. Must remember to stop reading the flyers that come through the door.
Just graduated from The Crucible. Yay for me. There will now follow an exciting jet-setting life of luxury and Pimms, apparently.
The gent in charge pointed me toward the tubes and my first assignment. Expected to be visiting a hitherto unknown section of London called Kingsmouth. Perhaps a change at Waterloo and tea in the buffet car.
Found myself pulled through some sort of dreadful portal, screaming and embarrassing myself before being deposited in a rather crumpled pile at the feet of a conductor. The chap blathered on for a while about some sort of rules and the like - wasn't really paying attention, if I'm honest - and pointed me toward a path, answering my bewildered query of buffet car directions with assurances it was in that direction, just over that glowing circular section of tree.
Screamed again. Quicker than walking though.
Found myself in front of a glowing portal leading to a quaint little town. This, it seems, is how we get to Kingsmouth. Being forewarned, I braced myself for the dreadful rushing sensation and stepped through the portal with barely more than a whimper.
Seems a pleasant place. There's a nice chap dressed as a cowboy just around the corner, so I'm assuming there's some sort of fancy dress competition going on. How jolly.
An attractive young lady just rushed toward me, arms outflung and mouth agape. Felt a certain 'stirring', despite the fact that she was leaving a trail of her own internal organs on the ground behind her. That's really a remarkably realistic costume, you know...
Arrived at the police station at a sprint, screaming and flailing my arms. Bit worried about my personal hygiene at the moment as well, but we won't get into that. A visit to the clinic when I get back to England won't go amiss, let me tell you.
Met the police chief. Charming lady, she was extremely happy to see me and began gushing about how the town required my aid. Seemed a bit put out when I hugged her around the knees and cried like a little girl, pointing out that zombies are in fact real. Seems she already knew - this lady's obviously on top of things, maybe I could leave her to it.
Work to be done. This is what I was supposed to be trained for. Makes me wish I'd attended more. Got out my dolly (because those who work with Elementalism are insecure) and hung it on my belt. Got out the big book and sent a memo to the Templar HQ pointing out that a kindle version would be much more portable. Went to work.
How did my life come to this? One day I'm a semi-successful aspiring actor and now I'm standing in ankle deep water with a fish man chewing on my knee...
Good luck at last. Found an expensive looking jade figurine of a dreadful thing with tentacles someone had left in a cave. Pinched it.
Running through the streets screaming, being chased by assorted ancient skeletal mummies. Stupid figurine. Tacky anyway.
Sitting on the corner at a cafe where the service is slow even for a seaside place, I realise that Kingsmouth in it's current state reminds me very much of last year's trip to Bridlington. At least the zombies here aren't leaving Stella bottles everywhere.
Met an attractive lady while paddling. True she's a bit, uh, squiddy, but she seemed very friendly. Apart from the whole pulling at my face with her alarming number of tentacles. Had to break it off though; I'm a British citizen with an upper lip you could do your ironing on and she's a big fish. Polite society would not approve.
In a slump after the relationship ended. Sent her a text suggesting coffee but after I incinerated her I'm not sure she'll be willing. Left the centre of town and headed for the funfair instead. Passed a motel crawling with demons, and was once again reminded of that Bridlington trip.
At the funfair where the folks in charge seem more helpful and on the ball than usual. Rollercoaster time! Woo!
Rode the rollercoaster. Was great fun, but a skinny guy kept jumping out and saying snarky things as I trundled past him. Was ready for him the third time and punched him in the testicles on the way past. Shouted "Hyuken!" as I did so and was gratified to see him, over my shoulder, collapse into his own private universe of pain. Ridiculous man.
Went back to the funfair again today. Seems the skinny guy from the rollercoaster was posting things about me online. Found him in a parallel world - the internet companies are really expanding their coverage these days.
Skinny chap jumped out and started casting some sort of spell. Seemed surprised when I didn't try to counter it, just hit him with a two by four. Bit of a scrap, but we parted as friends in the end. He'd stop posting comments about my mum and I'd stop electrocuting him.
Subscribe to RSS Feed